Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Oh Those Crazy Crawleys!

SPOILER ALERT:   I've watched 5 episodes of Season 4.

Juice is so delish!
Oooh MaMA!  Orange juice!  How lovely!  We Americans need a little sunshiney citrus reminder once in a while.

UGH this Anna storyline is on my nerves.  Just tell Mr. Bates.  Or don't.  But stop sulking.  I KNOW I KNOW - that's AWFUL.  I feel AWFUL for her...and THAT'S why I can't stand her sadness!!  Anna is the happiest person in that house!  It's killing me!!!

Um...what was that?  Something about
signing something?  I don't remember!
Poor Edith.  Hasn't heard from her boytoy in a while.  We all know why.  HE'S SCREWING HER OVER!  But it's OK because MaMA "expects he's busy."  What a brilliant woman, that MaMA is.  Such intelligence...with just a little touch of barbiturate.

"A wonder your halo doesn't grow heavy; it must be like wearing a tiara around the clock."   Oh I love when the Dowager is in a flippant mood!

Well I'll be damned.
She actually knows she has a kid
living somewhere in the house!
Oh look!  Mary has a baby! Who knew?!

Does anyone know who this guy is who's having tea with MaMA, PaPA and Lady Mary??  Mary seems to dig him...and I have no idea who he is.  How is that possible??

OH BATES! This is a terrible position to put Mrs. Hughes in.  Terrible!  And SMART!  SHIT!  Here she goes!!! OMG SHE'S GOING TO TELL!!!!  OMG!!!  She's singing like a canary!!!

Absolute hilarity =   Edith: "Welcome to the club."  Mary: "Oh stop moaning."

Mr Carson should stop bullying Mr Molesley.  What a douche!  Just TRY and understand what he's saying, maybe??  Walk a mile in HIS shoes, Chumley!

"I can't lose Sybil's child.  It's too much to bear."  Good one, PaPA.  You probably don't even know her name.  And does MaMA even REMEMBER Sybil?  Because she seems much too lively and happy to me.  She was your youngest child, sister!  It's almost unCOMfortable to watch her bordering nutty jovial quips.

Awww.  Poor Alfred.  He's wanted to be a cook since...since...since at least last week.  Daisy's all "Woot!  Alfred's staying!  I get to watch him salivate over Ivy who makes out with Jimmy every day!  Fantastic!

Ohhhh Lordddd.  Anna and Bates are making my cry my eyes out.  This is some of the greatest acting I've seen in years.  "I've been spoiled for you."  KILLING ME!

Well...PaPA is now lending money to his renters to pay him the money they owe him.  Think about that.  Gosh that PaPA is a savvy businessman.  NOT.  For once, I agree with Mary's inner bitch!  NOT that I don't feel bad for the guy...but...helLOOOO?  Downton isn't exactly a thriving fiefdom.

Jail food wasn't so bad...

Wow...WHAT is Mr. Bates going to do???  I'm afraid he's going to beat the snot outta some poor soul who shows up to deliver cheese!!!

HOW am I supposed to wait until next week???

Monday, January 27, 2014

From the Lost Downton Purgatory Archives...

SPOILER ALERT:  This was written during episode 3 of season 4.  I've already posted about episode 4...but I found this and can't let it go to waste!  Enjoy!  (PS - Episode 5 post coming soon!) 

Oh Lady Mary...we're so sorry about the phonograph.  Please forgive us.  OK!  Let's get back to dancing!!

Lady Mary's not sure if she's that upset about Matthew...or that she wants to get it on with Lord ____.  Apparently she's digging his scene.

Oooh Mr. Molseley!  (I can never spell his name.)  Yey!  He's got a temp job at Downton!

Lady Mary is bitching about the singer being to late for tea...to the help!  Do the help even GET tea??  OMG she's so clueless!!

Poor Mr. Gregson.  He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.  They're never going to accept him.  And I don't know if I can handle watching Edith husband-shop another time.

Oooh a friendly little card game?? Mr. bates is not going to like this!!!  Oooh here he comes!!!

Oy.  Can someone give Carson a drink.  He's so uppity all the time!

Is it me or does the opera singer look dead?  Or like...some kind of wax figure.  I almost want to get my picture taken with her and my instamatic.

Oooh Mr. Greyson is saving the day!  I knew he knew that Sampson was up to no good.

OH MY GOD Anna!!!!  And the wax lady singer is drowning out her cries!!! Oh this is awful!!! That guy is such a douche - you could tell the second he showed up.  And he has the nerve to come back in, buttoning his coat!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Boys and Girls

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched 4 episodes in season 4.

I'm so happy Mary feels "quite refreshed"...aren't you?  We all need some refreshing now and then!

Poor Daisy.  She's never happy.  I think Alfred should go, just like Mrs. Patmore.  All he's doing is upsetting Daisy on a daily basis...and he doesn't even mean to.  This storyline is such a J. Geils Band song in the making.

Sigh...Tom.  He's "been in a glump all day."  I hate when I'm in a glump.  It's truly unbecoming and gives one wrinkles in the long run.

There are no words for the
hotness that emanates from
Rob James-Collier.  Nope.
How about this: How about WE all keep our eyes open, and ON Thomas, since HE is one SMOKIN' jackass hottie.  It's no wonder he won "sexiest male" at the soap opera awards a few years in a row.  I could look at that yum all damn day.  Mmm Hmm.

Poor Anna.  OMG Bates is making her kiss him!  SHITE.  She's going toe tell him she hates him so he doesn't kill that ass driver of Tony's.  Aka "Tony's man".  Bitch, please!  (Not Anna; Tony's man.  Anna's the furthest thing from a bitch.)

I love how they all go to Mrs. Hughes.  Poor Tom.  He's in quite a pickle.  This situation is AWFUL.  I want to kill the new ladies' maid.  I don't even know her name, that's how much I can't stand her.  Edna.  That's it.  Meh.  I truly can't even look at her.

You don't mind if I use you a bit
before I take off and see the world
now do you, Ivy?  Thanks. 
"Would you like some tea?  It's no bother as I'll ring someone else's ass for it."  And is it me or did James take his damn time getting to the sitting room to answer Mary's call??  He's too busy k-i-s-s-i-n-g Ivy in the whatever-it-is room.

I KNEW he was going to propose!!! I KNEW IT!  SHIZ!  What is she going to do?  NO DUDE NO!
You don't want to spend the rest of your life with her!  NO!!!!  OMG he's groveling.  No.  Please.  Save yourself, dude!  She's a MANeater!!!  She doesn't deserve you and your cuteness!!

Admit it.  You hate my pretty, round face.

OMG THE Dowager Countess is disgusted that PaPA is in his BLACK TIE instead of his WHITE TIE.  Oh that's fantastic!  You just can't make that up!!  And he's trying not to hurt Tony's feelings as poor Tony only brought his BLACK tie because he didn't know if Mary would throw his ass out 20 minutes after he got there.

Edith rules.  "I hope that doesn't mean we have to do the washing up."  I thought the same damned thing when I cleaned out my crock pot tonight, too!

Poor Anna.  Don't switch rooms!  Just because you have to dress MaMA AND Lady Mary!  And if you do, make sure you dress MaMA first and let Lady Mary wait a loooong time while MaMA rubs healing salve into her elbows. ;)

Let's kiss passionately and make the
audience feel totally awkward since
Matt's been dead now, what, 2 weeks?
How could Tony expect Mary to say Yes?  Come on now.  Even *I* will defend her on this one. Poor thing.  Now she's even more sad.  And that kiss!  It was awesome...yet so misplaced!  I wanted to get completely lost in it...but I just couldn't!  Kindof like how Lady Mary feels about Tony!  Somehow I don't think this is the last time we'll see him.  BUT - as cute as he is - I think she needs someone more dynamic.  Is it me?

I'm finding Carson very boring tonight.  And that makes me feel guilty because he's got a good heart deep down underneath all that high-and-mightiness.

Edith, you ignorant slut!  I love it!  You GO, girl!  That's what I'M talkin' 'bout!  It's about TIME you and whats-his-name got down to some good lovin'.  Although...WHAT was that thing you signed, sister?  I am a little nervous for you.  PLEASE tell me this guy isn't going to screw your over, too.

You are wishing I'd let Bates
kill that ass now, aren't you?  
Oh Mr. Bates.  I feel so bad.  How long is this storyline going to play out?  It's killing me.  I hate that they messed with happy, strong Anna.  Why do long-running shows always feel like everyone has to evolve?  She was fine the way she was.  No - she was AWESOME the way she was.  We always knew we could count on Anna and her positivity whenever something went wrong...with anyone.  Why take that away from us?

"You're a grown woman...and I'm not a spy."  Um, actually, Rosemund...you pretty much are!  And while you're dishing out your extra large spoonful of tsk-tsk, perhaps you'd like to offer some to your own daughter once in a while.  Just sayin'.

That's it for me.  Looking forward to seeing who Thomas is bringing in to be MaMA's ladies' maid next week!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Does Anybody Remember Laughter?

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched the first episode of season 4.

The following are my thoughts as I was watching the show (be afraid):

I'll be back.  Right after I
realize I'm not going to
be the next Bond girl. 
OMG!!!  O'Brien LEFT!!! For the same DUMBASS reason Matthew left!!  She got bored didn't love it anymore!!!  Oh holy hell, actors can be stupid sometimes.  This takes the cake.  Did they learn NOTHING from David Caruso???

You have just got to LOVE MaMA's reaction.  "What will we do?"  That really means "Who will unclasp my $50k necklace while I rub cream onto my elbows????"  THANK GOD FOR MRS HUGHES!!!  She saved the day, did she not?  There will be no self unclasping around HERE, thankyouverymuch.
Daddy wears suits now, darling.
He's a very important something
or other around Mummy's house.

Is it me...or is Branson quite comfy at the breakfast table with the newspaper??  SOMEONE seems to have settled in quite nicely with all the snots he used to drive around and plan revolts against.

How does PaPA plan to run Downton "for the baby"?  Wasn't he the one who almost ran it into the ground - for himself - a few short months ago??  (And what baby, by the way?  That kid is kept under major wraps.)

That's right, London bitches.
EDITH'S back in town. 
Me:  "I think this is the year of Edith!!"
Hubby:  (snicker)  "I think you're right."

LOL  PaPA is so transparent.  "Don't ask Tom about his job, Mary!  He's the loser Irishman that I tolerate living in my house!  You just sit there and feel like shit and concentrate on getting better."

Miss O'Brien left...so now Thomas has to spar with Nanny McPhee.  It's positively delicious.

We've propped him up like Bernie.
Now eff off before I eat your head.
OMG Mary is more selfish than ever, I see.  Someone needs to go dig up Mr. Pamuk and bring him around to calm her estrogen down a bit.  WHAT an absolute bitch!  Grief or not!  How DARE you speak to Mr. Carson like that!!  He's like your second father!!!

Wake me up, before you go go!
I don't wanna miss it when
Mary's head explodes...
CHOOSE LIFE!!!  Oh you can't MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!   They did NOT just have a 5 minute conversation about Mary that resembled a Wham song from 1985!!!!!

GO MRS CRAWLEY!!!  Her high horse attitude is actually refreshing for once.  That poor woman has it more together than Mary, who never seemed to give much of a shit about Matthew in the first place.  "What?  Matthew's gone?  NOW who will sit at my feet and offer me the moon?"

Seriously?  No bedtime antics with Mr and Mrs Bates on Valentine's Day???  (THANK YOU LORDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!  One sight of the two of them going at it in my lifetime is more than enough, thank you.  Oy.  I love them...but keep them in the hallway.)

Clearly Nanny West is no Nanny McPhee!  Bye Bye!  Don't you LOVE how they tricked us with Thomas??  I really thought he was being a douche!  Or...WAS he...and he just happened to get lucky when MaMA walked in on her calling poor Sybil's daughter a "cross breed"??  (Being a cross breed, myself, I almost tinkled at that comment.)

I love how MaMA is all "Nanny West is not to be left alone with the children...not for one minute" with that worried/angry/half-baked look on her face.  Here's an idea, cupcake...why don't YOU take care of your grandchildren for a little while???

OK...PaPA is a riot.  "Are you sure you have time for lunch, Lady Mary, what with all the sitting around doing nothing you have to do today??"  ROFLMAO  I am going to laugh about that all week.

Poor MaMA.  She is very vexed.  That blouse truly was a favorite.  Ooooh you KNOW this new maid is trouble with a capital T!  She's the new O'Brien!  Which is such a shame because O'Brien was much better suited to cause trouble with Thomas.  There was a dichotomy there that just can't be matched.  Watch them write this chick off a second time.

They'd better find someone better fast, too.  Mrs. Hughes has way too much of Carson's business to stick her nose in!  She doesn't have time for unclasping $50k necklaces!!

Mr. Molesley looks like Mr. Olsen.  Is it me?

And why is Mr. Molesley bouncing around from wealthy house to wealthy house?  For the love of God...Mrs. Crawley hired a prostitute and took in some coughing dude who Mr. Carson couldn't stand...yet she can't find poor Molesley a job?  Pony UP, woman!  Or the Downton crew will find a way to kick YOU out of town, too!  You can't expect THEM to hire poor Molesley!  They're POOR now!  Sortof...

Can't say I'm thrilled about the lack of lines for the Dowager Countess this evening.  Oh she had a few zingers "I don't see why you should have to eat from a tray"...but nothing all that noteworthy.  Maybe they're saving her best lines for the next time Shirley Maclaine is on the show.  And seeing as I wasn't all that thrilled with Shirley Maclaine's character (as much as I love Shirley!)...I hope that isn't the case.

Favorite moment of the episode?  That awkward nightmare between Mary and Edith on the stairs. Tention.  Cut.  Knife.  That's all I'm sayin'...

OMG HOW are we going to wait for next week???