Oh. My. LORDY BE. Last night's (unbelievably long and entertaining) Downton Abbey was a treasure. A hilarious, borderline stupid, delicious episode that I will be thinking about until next week's much anticipated season finale.
WHERE to begin?? Seriously. I don't even know what to say. Lavinia, you bitch. I couldn't STAND your annoying ass...until you up and DIED on us. Then, things changed. No, wait...when you walked in on Matthew kissing Mary (but only seemed to notice them dancing)...THAT is when things changed. I started to feel bad for you. And when you told him to "be happy" as you took your last breath, I REALLY felt bad for you. And when he told Mary to kiss the hell off because he felt so horrendous over your death....oooooh girlllllll...I felt GREAT for you!
That damned Mary. Just when I think she's a good girl, she does something SO obnoxious and rude. Here's Anna - risking her job to inform Mrs. Hughes and Carson about Richard's obnoxious offer...and what how does Mary thank her? "You really should have come to me!" BITCH, PLEASE. Are you KIDDING me?!? You are a spoiled, selfish brat. Yes - I love you, because you are one willowy chickie in those gorgeous dresses and that tremendously "Honey Badger Don't Care!" attitude. But sometimes I can't STAND you...which makes for extremely yummy TV.
OK so am I the only one who laughs now every time someone tells Carson "I know how fond you are of Lady Mary"?? They must have said it 15 times last night! It's almost to the point of being good fodder for a drinking game! When Grantham says it, you only drink once (because he says it 5 times an episode). But when Cora or Mrs. Hughes say it, you drink three times. And if someone like O'Brien was to say it? That would be a clear 30 second chug, for sure.
Moving on...Oh Sybil. WHAT is your deal? We can ALL see the writing on the wall where her Irish driver is concerned. Girlfriend is going to get her ass to Dublin, work for about 48 seconds, and say "I wanna wear my sandals...I wanna go out to lunch. I wanna be normal again" and hightail it right back to Downton. I hate to be negative...but I'm half Irish. I know of which I speak. I LOVE me some Dublin, but my family never lived in a castle with 72 bathrooms. Dublin is lovely to me. But to Sybil? Hmmmm. She is NOT going to be happy washing her own knickers and wearing them to (Catholic) mass every Sunday...and then coming home and cooking the brisket, herself. Wait and see.
NEXT...Sigh...Oh Edith. I've got nothin' for you this week...which pretty much sums up your sad little existence. What are you going to do when both Mary and Sybil are out of the house? You'll have no one to make snide remarks about behind their backs. Not that you do that to Sybil...but I've no doubt you will. Give it time.
NEXT...Anna and Mr. Bates. Oh. My. God. Tell me THAT wouldn't win the big, golden popcorn award over at MTV for being the most UNCOMFORTABLE bedroom scene EVER!! To quote Tracey: "If I never see another bedroom scene with Mr. Bates again, it'll be too soon." LORDDDDDDD is she right. I turned to my husband and said "HOW long do you think it took them to set this scene?!?" Because neither of them moved!
I am going to stop right there before I say something that isn't so nice. Lordddddddddddd Mr. Bates. And I LOVE Mr. Bates...lest anyone forget. Ever seen him in real life? He's gorgeous in that "I used to be a very tasty tuna back in my 20s" kind of way.
The only reason I care that the previous Mrs. Bates is no longer around is that I love Maria Doyle Kennedy since her days on The Tudors. I know I've used the word "Delicious" one too many times in this post but I have to use it again, because she is delicious in everything she does! Deliciously sweet or deliciously evil; it doesn't matter. I miss the heck outta her Catherine of Aragon, I can tell you that. (And for you fellow "Tudors" fans...I was lucky enough to briefly meet Annabelle Wallis - aka Jane Seymour - recently. Holy crap - she's even more stunning in real life.)
NEXT...Thomas. OH my god he was fantastic last night when he found out all of his goods were fake. LOVED the mess. And loved the sucking up at Downton even more. I hope Carson isn't fooled; he's so after his job.
Lines That Were So Good I Stopped Mid-Episode To Write Them Down:
"Unbridled joy" - Oh holy hell. I found myself hoping upon hope that Hildy, Cari and Jennifer J were watching. That just reeked of "Unflagging joy". TOO hilarious.
"I know how fond you are of Lady Mary." I've already covered this but had to mention it again. Why not? THEY do. Every five seconds.
"Don't be defeatest, dear, it's very middle class." Maggie Smith deserves every possible award for her snarkiness on this show. I could watch her all day long.
"Can you manage without your stick?" "You are my stick." Oh. My. GOD that was amazing. I am SO FRIGGIN HAPPY Matthew and Mary are finally getting together. Well...sort of. She is SO effed with Richard. She's going to have to kill him. Seriously. Somebody better go fetch the rat poison at Ex. Mrs. (dead) Bates' house.
Last minute add-ons:
Poor Cora. Is there nothing else she can do but writhe around with fever? Two hours and she barely spoke!
O'Brien. Damn, girl! Are you an idiot?! Shut the hell UP about the soap!! Go to confession and call it a day!!
Matthew's mom: Lorddddddd somebody shut her up. She is on my LAST nerve.
I miss William. Daisy needs to stop being such a baby and talk nicely about him to his dad. Is it THAT hard? She WAS his good friend, wasn't she? I totally agreed with her before about them pushing her into doing something she wasn't comfortable with. But that adorable fellow is dead now, girlie! Just go with it!!!
OK that's it for now. But I'm sure I'll think of something else before this night is over. Stay tuned...
Ooh, you know, never even thought about the whole religion thing with Sybil and Branson--but SO true. Didja notice her line that was something like, "you're my ticket out of town"? Clearly Sybill just wants to get the hell out of Dodge.
ReplyDeleteHow do I describe this ep of DA? The same way I described the Breaking Dawn movie: Ridiculous....and AWESOME!
it's DVRd and have only seen the first hour.......I peeked and a small spoiler did reveal itself (my fault). but, from what Ive seen as yet, SO GLAD THAT THOMAS PRICK IS GETTING WHAT HE DESERVES. When is Anna gonna rape Mr BAtes?
ReplyDeleteyou are right on with your comments, carol. mr. bates and the new mrs. were pretty ho-hum, but then they weren't exactly in their own element there, tucked away in one of the fancy bedrooms just waiting for o'brien to pop in and open up the curtains and make a snicky comment or two. what do you think about lord robert and the maid? what is his problem? "oh, woe is me, up to my eyebrows in cash and i have no purpose in life"--what happened to running downton? running the estate was his big who-ha before the war, isn't that his "job"? why is robert, who supposedly doesn't know about mr. pamuk, not telling mary to dump sir richard--an obvious scumbag of the first rank. if cora is soooo in a hurry to marry off lady mary, why doesn't she just send her to the states and fix her up with some rich cousin? and why is robert suddenly so mean to cora? ok, she tilts her head and has that little shit-eating smiley-smirk, but so what! all of the ladies do that one, especially my fav--the downager countess (she rocks!).
ReplyDeleteand then there's branson and sybil--yes, she is going to dump him as soon as she leaves town. first of all he's boring, and second of all there's no chemistry there--and where are all of sybil's suitors? she's drop dead gorgeous, in a houseful of officers, and only branson notices her? come on, even edith was about to get some action in that houseful. and why is edith suddenly so nice? mary is a snotty mess, but edith is now the sweet one. about 4 years or so have gone by over the course of the series, but edith is like a new woman. she really needs to snap up one of daddy's cars and hightail it to london. why hasn't cora been worried about marrying off edith and sybil? edith almost ended up with that farmer (yeah, right!), and sybil is running off with daddy's driver (scandal of scandal).
and thomas getting his come-upance and freaking out...excellent! and matthew? get over it--he's been pretty annoying. maybe he and mary deserve each other, and thank you dear dowager countess for pointing that out to him! --Julie in Jersey