From the Lost Downton Purgatory Archives...

SPOILER ALERT:  This was written during episode 3 of season 4.  I've already posted about episode 4...but I found this and can't let it go to waste!  Enjoy!  (PS - Episode 5 post coming soon!) 

Oh Lady Mary...we're so sorry about the phonograph.  Please forgive us.  OK!  Let's get back to dancing!!

Lady Mary's not sure if she's that upset about Matthew...or that she wants to get it on with Lord ____.  Apparently she's digging his scene.

Oooh Mr. Molseley!  (I can never spell his name.)  Yey!  He's got a temp job at Downton!

Lady Mary is bitching about the singer being to late for tea...to the help!  Do the help even GET tea??  OMG she's so clueless!!

Poor Mr. Gregson.  He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.  They're never going to accept him.  And I don't know if I can handle watching Edith husband-shop another time.

Oooh a friendly little card game?? Mr. bates is not going to like this!!!  Oooh here he comes!!!

Oy.  Can someone give Carson a drink.  He's so uppity all the time!

Is it me or does the opera singer look dead?  Or like...some kind of wax figure.  I almost want to get my picture taken with her and my instamatic.

Oooh Mr. Greyson is saving the day!  I knew he knew that Sampson was up to no good.

OH MY GOD Anna!!!!  And the wax lady singer is drowning out her cries!!! Oh this is awful!!! That guy is such a douche - you could tell the second he showed up.  And he has the nerve to come back in, buttoning his coat!

Boys and Girls

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched 4 episodes in season 4.

I'm so happy Mary feels "quite refreshed"...aren't you?  We all need some refreshing now and then!

Poor Daisy.  She's never happy.  I think Alfred should go, just like Mrs. Patmore.  All he's doing is upsetting Daisy on a daily basis...and he doesn't even mean to.  This storyline is such a J. Geils Band song in the making.

Sigh...Tom.  He's "been in a glump all day."  I hate when I'm in a glump.  It's truly unbecoming and gives one wrinkles in the long run.

There are no words for the
hotness that emanates from
Rob James-Collier.  Nope.

How about this: How about WE all keep our eyes open, and ON Thomas, since HE is one SMOKIN' jackass hottie.  It's no wonder he won "sexiest male" at the soap opera awards a few years in a row.  I could look at that yum all damn day.  Mmm Hmm.

Poor Anna.  OMG Bates is making her kiss him!  SHITE.  She's going toe tell him she hates him so he doesn't kill that ass driver of Tony's.  Aka "Tony's man".  Bitch, please!  (Not Anna; Tony's man.  Anna's the furthest thing from a bitch.)

I love how they all go to Mrs. Hughes.  Poor Tom.  He's in quite a pickle.  This situation is AWFUL.  I want to kill the new ladies' maid.  I don't even know her name, that's how much I can't stand her.  Edna.  That's it.  Meh.  I truly can't even look at her.

You don't mind if I use you a bit
before I take off and see the world
now do you, Ivy?  Thanks. 

"Would you like some tea?  It's no bother as I'll ring someone else's ass for it."  And is it me or did James take his damn time getting to the sitting room to answer Mary's call??  He's too busy k-i-s-s-i-n-g Ivy in the whatever-it-is room.

I KNEW he was going to propose!!! I KNEW IT!  SHIZ!  What is she going to do?  NO DUDE NO!
You don't want to spend the rest of your life with her!  NO!!!!  OMG he's groveling.  No.  Please.  Save yourself, dude!  She's a MANeater!!!  She doesn't deserve you and your cuteness!!

Admit it.  You hate my pretty, round face.

OMG EDNA THE NEW LADIES MAID IS GONE! YEYYYYY!  I HATED HER!!!!  GO MRS. HUGHES!  GO MRS. HUGHES!  GO MRS. HUGHES!!!

OMG THE Dowager Countess is disgusted that PaPA is in his BLACK TIE instead of his WHITE TIE.  Oh that's fantastic!  You just can't make that up!!  And he's trying not to hurt Tony's feelings as poor Tony only brought his BLACK tie because he didn't know if Mary would throw his ass out 20 minutes after he got there.

Edith rules.  "I hope that doesn't mean we have to do the washing up."  I thought the same damned thing when I cleaned out my crock pot tonight, too!

Poor Anna.  Don't switch rooms!  Just because you have to dress MaMA AND Lady Mary!  And if you do, make sure you dress MaMA first and let Lady Mary wait a loooong time while MaMA rubs healing salve into her elbows. ;)

Let's kiss passionately and make the
audience feel totally awkward since
Matt's been dead now, what, 2 weeks?

How could Tony expect Mary to say Yes?  Come on now.  Even *I* will defend her on this one. Poor thing.  Now she's even more sad.  And that kiss!  It was awesome...yet so misplaced!  I wanted to get completely lost in it...but I just couldn't!  Kindof like how Lady Mary feels about Tony!  Somehow I don't think this is the last time we'll see him.  BUT - as cute as he is - I think she needs someone more dynamic.  Is it me?

I'm finding Carson very boring tonight.  And that makes me feel guilty because he's got a good heart deep down underneath all that high-and-mightiness.

Edith, you ignorant slut!  I love it!  You GO, girl!  That's what I'M talkin' 'bout!  It's about TIME you and whats-his-name got down to some good lovin'.  Although...WHAT was that thing you signed, sister?  I am a little nervous for you.  PLEASE tell me this guy isn't going to screw your over, too.

You are wishing I'd let Bates
kill that ass now, aren't you?  

Oh Mr. Bates.  I feel so bad.  How long is this storyline going to play out?  It's killing me.  I hate that they messed with happy, strong Anna.  Why do long-running shows always feel like everyone has to evolve?  She was fine the way she was.  No - she was AWESOME the way she was.  We always knew we could count on Anna and her positivity whenever something went wrong...with anyone.  Why take that away from us?

"You're a grown woman...and I'm not a spy."  Um, actually, Rosemund...you pretty much are!  And while you're dishing out your extra large spoonful of tsk-tsk, perhaps you'd like to offer some to your own daughter once in a while.  Just sayin'.

That's it for me.  Looking forward to seeing who Thomas is bringing in to be MaMA's ladies' maid next week!

Does Anybody Remember Laughter?

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched the first episode of season 4.

The following are my thoughts as I was watching the show (be afraid):

I'll be back.  Right after I
realize I'm not going to
be the next Bond girl. 

OMG!!!  O'Brien LEFT!!! For the same DUMBASS reason Matthew left!!  She got bored didn't love it anymore!!!  Oh holy hell, actors can be stupid sometimes.  This takes the cake.  Did they learn NOTHING from David Caruso???

You have just got to LOVE MaMA's reaction.  "What will we do?"  That really means "Who will unclasp my $50k necklace while I rub cream onto my elbows????"  THANK GOD FOR MRS HUGHES!!!  She saved the day, did she not?  There will be no self unclasping around HERE, thankyouverymuch.

Daddy wears suits now, darling.
He's a very important something
or other around Mummy's house.

Is it me...or is Branson quite comfy at the breakfast table with the newspaper??  SOMEONE seems to have settled in quite nicely with all the snots he used to drive around and plan revolts against.

How does PaPA plan to run Downton "for the baby"?  Wasn't he the one who almost ran it into the ground - for himself - a few short months ago??  (And what baby, by the way?  That kid is kept under major wraps.)

That's right, London bitches.
EDITH'S back in town. 

Me:  "I think this is the year of Edith!!"
Hubby:  (snicker)  "I think you're right."

LOL  PaPA is so transparent.  "Don't ask Tom about his job, Mary!  He's the loser Irishman that I tolerate living in my house!  You just sit there and feel like shit and concentrate on getting better."

Miss O'Brien left...so now Thomas has to spar with Nanny McPhee.  It's positively delicious.

We've propped him up like Bernie.
Now eff off before I eat your head.

OMG Mary is more selfish than ever, I see.  Someone needs to go dig up Mr. Pamuk and bring him around to calm her estrogen down a bit.  WHAT an absolute bitch!  Grief or not!  How DARE you speak to Mr. Carson like that!!  He's like your second father!!!

Wake me up, before you go go!
I don't wanna miss it when
Mary's head explodes...

CHOOSE LIFE!!!  Oh you can't MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!   They did NOT just have a 5 minute conversation about Mary that resembled a Wham song from 1985!!!!!

GO MRS CRAWLEY!!!  Her high horse attitude is actually refreshing for once.  That poor woman has it more together than Mary, who never seemed to give much of a shit about Matthew in the first place.  "What?  Matthew's gone?  NOW who will sit at my feet and offer me the moon?"

Seriously?  No bedtime antics with Mr and Mrs Bates on Valentine's Day???  (THANK YOU LORDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!  One sight of the two of them going at it in my lifetime is more than enough, thank you.  Oy.  I love them...but keep them in the hallway.)

Clearly Nanny West is no Nanny McPhee!  Bye Bye!  Don't you LOVE how they tricked us with Thomas??  I really thought he was being a douche!  Or...WAS he...and he just happened to get lucky when MaMA walked in on her calling poor Sybil's daughter a "cross breed"??  (Being a cross breed, myself, I almost tinkled at that comment.)

I love how MaMA is all "Nanny West is not to be left alone with the children...not for one minute" with that worried/angry/half-baked look on her face.  Here's an idea, cupcake...why don't YOU take care of your grandchildren for a little while???

OK...PaPA is a riot.  "Are you sure you have time for lunch, Lady Mary, what with all the sitting around doing nothing you have to do today??"  ROFLMAO  I am going to laugh about that all week.

Poor MaMA.  She is very vexed.  That blouse truly was a favorite.  Ooooh you KNOW this new maid is trouble with a capital T!  She's the new O'Brien!  Which is such a shame because O'Brien was much better suited to cause trouble with Thomas.  There was a dichotomy there that just can't be matched.  Watch them write this chick off a second time.

They'd better find someone better fast, too.  Mrs. Hughes has way too much of Carson's business to stick her nose in!  She doesn't have time for unclasping $50k necklaces!!

Mr. Molesley looks like Mr. Olsen.  Is it me?

And why is Mr. Molesley bouncing around from wealthy house to wealthy house?  For the love of God...Mrs. Crawley hired a prostitute and took in some coughing dude who Mr. Carson couldn't stand...yet she can't find poor Molesley a job?  Pony UP, woman!  Or the Downton crew will find a way to kick YOU out of town, too!  You can't expect THEM to hire poor Molesley!  They're POOR now!  Sortof...

Can't say I'm thrilled about the lack of lines for the Dowager Countess this evening.  Oh she had a few zingers "I don't see why you should have to eat from a tray"...but nothing all that noteworthy.  Maybe they're saving her best lines for the next time Shirley Maclaine is on the show.  And seeing as I wasn't all that thrilled with Shirley Maclaine's character (as much as I love Shirley!)...I hope that isn't the case.

Favorite moment of the episode?  That awkward nightmare between Mary and Edith on the stairs. Tention.  Cut.  Knife.  That's all I'm sayin'...

OMG HOW are we going to wait for next week???

Paul Giamatti on Season 4?!?

Shut...UP!!!  TRACEY is going to go NUTS over THIS!

Downton Abbey - FACEBOOK Style!

This is one of the most hilarious things you will ever see if you are a Downton fan.  Enjoy!  (And thanks to Jennifer for reminding me to put it on the blog!)

Goodbye Season 3 of Downton Abbey! We'll Miss You!

SPOILER ALERT:  I have finished Season 3.  If you have not...then turn back NOW.  

Hollywood, here I come!

It's taken me a longggggg time to be able to sit down and discuss the end of Season 3.  I knew Dan Stevens was not going to stay forever.  I just didn't know his departure would come so soon! Did everyone else??  Am I just "the last to know"???

I read that he was offered a 3 year contract when the series started, and decided not to renew when the time came.  Planned on doing 3 years...and that was it.  My question?

WHY?!?  (screamed like Nancy Kerrigan)

Has anyone seen my career?

Why don't these stars recognize a good thing when it's staring them straight in the eye?  He's a relative newcomer!  Why leave NOW?!  I get that you want to do other things...might not want to be pigeon holed...yada yada.  But DUDE!  Did you not see what happened to to David Caruso?!?  That could be YOU!  20 years from now, you could find yourself singing showtunes in some sad little bar attached to a Holiday Inn in a shitty part of London, taking requests and talking about the good old days back on Downton Abbey.  Seriously.  And now they've KILLED YOUR ASS OFF.  You can't come back, even if you wanted to.  Couldn't you have taken Kilwillie aside and asked him to send you back up to Inveraray Castle ("Duneagle, my ass) to learn the estate-running tricks of the trade??  "Bye Mary...don't wait up!" (not that she would anyway).

I am just heartbroken.  Matthew was the best thing about that show.  Well...next to the Dowager Countess, that is.  And what about his mother?  Oh she is going to be devastated.  I wonder if she'll be too upset to help the ladies of the evening anymore.  Maybe she'll ship Ethel off to go frolic with the Grantham's 16 year old sleazy cousin.

MARY, MARY, MARY!!! 

And poor Edith.  Can this poor girl ever get a break?  Why are they doing this to us her?  It's maddening.  Just find her a nice old chap and let her get married for the love of all that's holy.  It really isn't that difficult, is it?  Are they just going to continue to dangle these unattainable men in front of us her for the rest of the series?

If Kilwillie hadn't had me killed off,
you wouldn't be in this mess for season 4. 

SPOILER ALERT:  I am about to gossip about something someone told me about next season.  It's not really much of a spoiler but just in case you want to know ZERO...skip the next paragraph.

I hear they are bringing in someone for Mary for next season.  The casting is allegedly down to a few men.  It's too bad they killed Mr. Pamuk. He was tasty.  I could have gotten over Matthew a lot faster had I been able to look at Mr. Pamuk on a weekly basis.

Moving on...  WHAT happened to Cora's mother?  I can't lie - I wasn't thrilled with Shirley Maclaine's character...but the season is now over and we haven't heard from her again.  I thought she was coming on for good.

MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!

Glad to see Mr. Bates is back for good...but Lordddddddddddd my eyes.  Ever since we were treated to the "love scene" between he and Anna, I have not been able to keep anything down but liquids whenever they show them being cutesy together.  Blech.  Mr. Bates needs a makeover right quick.

Hi. I'm beautiful.
Any questions?

I love Thomas.  I just want you to know that.  He's so broken and torn inside.  The poor soul.  He would be such a different person with the right influences.  Not that mean old O'Brien who whispers in his ear - or whispers in others' ears to get them to be mean to him.  He's obviously grappling with his sexual orientation - and it seems to me he probably had a rough childhood.  He just needs to positive guidance!  I was happy Jimmy reached out at the end.  Thomas deserves his respect.  He made a mistake and paid the price.  Now it's time to MAN UP and be decent to him.  (Jimmy gets on my last nerve.  I can't quite put my finger on why.)

I was SO HAPPY that HO got fired.  Ick.  Poor Tom is trying so hard to do what Sybil would have wanted.  That ho just wanted to hook up with him and get HERself a place at the richie-rich table upstairs.  Ain't no amount of training would have taught THAT bitch how to use 7 different forks.  No way.

OK that is all for now.  Looking forward to season 4.  If you are missing Downton, try an upstairs/downstairs show that is set in modern day...in a much smaller manse...with Scots instead of English...called Monarch of the Glen.  It's more of a dramedy and the scenery is fantastic.  And it stars Julian Fellowes, himself...aka Kilwillie!  (Ever ask yourself where he got the idea for Downton?  Mmm hmm.)

Girls Against the Boys

SPOILER ALERT - I have watched 5 episodes of Season 3. 

Holy crap this show just keeps getting better and better.

This weirdness between Thomas and "Jimmy" is bizarre.  Why doesn't James just tell Thomas to back off?

"The Frolicker"

Loved when Mrs. Patmore said, "Do I look like a frolicker?" LOL SO FUNNY.  Mr. Carson had a stick up his ass during this entire episode.  He's gripping the past just like PaPA and it's not going to get either of them anywhere.  Times are-a-changin'!  They better get with it!

The Dowager was also very ON this week.  Loved when she saw Ethel.  "I suppose she has an appropriate costume for every activity!"  I almsot fell off my chair!  I jumped up - ran over to my charging laptop - and typed that line immediately!!!

OMG that Alfred is a douchecanoe of epic proportions.  He thinks he's better than all of them.  And did he speak up when Carson was dressing down James?  No, he did not.  I'm afraid Daisy is going to move to William's father's farm...and I'll miss her!  Don't get me wrong...it's a fantastic opportunity...and I hope she takes it.  But I just feel so bad for her.  She digs Alfred...but Alfred digs the new chick.  And the new chick digs James...you just can't win. (Make sure you hear that to the tune of "Love Stinks" by the J. Geils Band in your head.)

Couldn't PaPA have sprung for a
few more flowers?  You'd think he
was losing his house or something!

Lady Mary didn't have much going on in this episode and I was pretty glad.  She is borderline offensive in her annoyingness.  Where were she and Edith coming from when they were walking through the fields?  Oh right...nowhere.  I'm surprised Lady Mary didn't mind getting her shoes dirty.

And I'm hoping Edith takes a job at the paper.  Looks like she's going to - and I bet she takes up with her boss over there (who we saw in the scenes for next week.)  Lordddddddd Edith needs a boyfriend...or SOMETHING to cheer her poor ass up.  Well...not "poor", per se.  As long as Matthew is around...

Which brings me to Matthew.  Ugh.  PaPA is SO POMPOUS!  Matthew is like "Look - just let me go and fix up the tenants' farms and houses a la Monarch of the Glen and you stay here and do whatever it is that you do (which seems to be zilch.  I loved when PaPA said "I better go and start my morning" as if that entails anything more than walking the grounds and inviting someone to dinner.)

Poor Cora.  Poor Tom.  Poor anyone who misses Sybil, including me.  And poor Ethel.  Girlfriend just needed to make a buck, yeah?  Who knew she's be less welcome than the a leper with the plague.

And what's happening next week?

MR. BATES COMES HOME!!  YEYYYYY!!!  I can't wait!!  Wonder how long it'll take for Thomas to trip him...steal his stuff...or at least spit in his soup while he's looking the other way.  Anna won't let that happen.  No way.  She will grab Thomas' privates and twist.  Girlfriend's a mama bear.  Roarrrrrr!